I Call Myself a Coward

Don’t tell anyone

But I have a mighty fear.

It paralyzes me

And keeps me stuck here.

They say I’m a coward

The voices in my head.

I should have said something

But stayed quiet instead.

I live with regrets

That once led me to drink.

Now they lead to nights

Where I don't sleep a wink.

If I had spoken up

Would they not be in pain?

Is my cowardice at fault?

Am I the one to blame?

Because of my crimes

I now live in isolation.

It’s a form of punishment

Of my own creation.

The professionals preach

You’ve got to forgive.

But how do you do that

When some no longer live.

I speak to their ghosts

In the darkness late at night.

I feel their pain like my own

And help them find the light.

Am I doing enough?

This I’ll never know.

So I live with the label coward

And hope for a better tomorrow.

Written by Amanda Durocher

4.29.24